As I’m sitting here just looking back on my life I realized that I have so many moments in my life that I wish I could just go back and do it all over again. Some moments in particular is telling people how I really feel. It may seem like a small thing to some but for me if I was more honest with the way I felt my life could have been so much different now. Fear is so crippling. Fear holds you back. Fear is your own worst enemy. I was so afraid to tell people how I felt. Because of this fear there were so many missed opportunities. I also think pride had a lot to do with it. When I look back on my life I now see how I let my fear and pride get the better of me. I let fear take over my life and it definitely changed the course of my life. It’s so weird how sometimes we put our lives on hold, we put the way we feel aside or we let the thing in life we want the most slip right through our fingers just because we are afraid that the people around us wouldn’t approve or they would judge. Fear damn you!!!
Last night I sat down and decided to watch the movie The Impossible after seeing the preview for it on television. I saw the movie floating around on the internet but paid no real attention to it because the title of the movie made me think it was some type of everyday cliche movie but I was so wrong. The impossible told the story of a family that went on vacation during the December that the Tsunami hit Thailand and the events that followed after the Tsunami passed. The impossible is really a story that is simply impossible and the kicker for me was it was true story, the events in this movie really took place. My thoughts on this movie was that God is real, he was really watching out for this one family because the turmoil they went through was simply impossible for them to survive. This family was the definition of strength and courage. I tip my hat especially to their youngest son he in my opinion is the hero of that entire ordeal. He could have been scared and shut down as many kids his age do but no he fought to get back to his mother while they were still in the gushing water and he also lifted her up into the tree to provide them with some type of protection in case another Tsunami hit. Even in the hospital he showed his good heart when he decided to help a few people find their families. Even when he lost his mother in the hospital he was scared but you could still see it in his eyes that he had faith and believed that his mother was still alive. I loved this movie it was sad movie but also eye opening to see how the natives came out to help their own and also the tourists get help. Everyone held onto hope and was strong even though a lot of people lost everything. In the end the entire family somehow reunited and the left Thailand but this movie was really a good movie and I hope it gets some type of nomination or award at the Oscars because it was a well written and amazing adaptation of the true events that happened.
“With new responsibilities comes great sacrifices that are so worth it”
When I thought of this quote early this morning it totally impacted my life. It is such a profound statement that no matter what you are going through at the moment this little line can impact you. I have had such a rough couple of days recently dealing with this one decision I want to make and realizing that it will require great sacrifices. It will be hard giving up certain luxuries in my life but in the end all that matters is that I will be happy and also achieving personal growth. Right now I feel as if I need an environment that free from stress and just plain old tension to be able to think, be independent, do school work and just be happy. I’m not running away from it all I’m just distancing myself because if I don’t I probably will go insane or say or do something I regret. Moving out my parents house will be tough since I am currently in school and work only part time and spend money like I’m rich lol but I am faithful that God will provide. As I said this decision will require me to sacrifice a lot of the things I love to do. For the next few months my goal is to put away ten dollars or more every week so I can start adding more money to my savings account. I know it not a lot but it add up to a lot when I’m ready to move. I haven’t really decided if I will go to California right away or if I’ll just find some where closer to where I live for about six months then move to California. There is still a lot of things to be decided before I even make that big move but I’m praying and hoping that God provides and makes a way for me.
Looking back I wish sometimes I could go back in time and just do everything over. Life is going by way to fast and I feel like even though life is going by I’m stuck,frozen stiff with no where to go. I always think back to the days when life was simple and the only stress I had was hoping my mom didn’t make smoked herring or breadfruit. Now today my fears are even bigger. They sometimes engulf my entire being; making me want to seek solitude to find some form of sanity and peace. My fears are probably small compared to other people but sometimes I just wish I could be fearless for one day and just conquer everything I want to do. I want to be able to tell the person I like at the moment how I feel, accomplish something that has been a dream of mine, speak to be actually heard,learn to love and move out on my own. Fear is something I hate because it has such a firm grip on me that shaking it is impossible. It just sets me back 100 steps because I’m always afraid of a bad outcome. I just want the days of simplicity to return. Everything wouldn’t always be perfect or certain but I just want things to not be so messed up and painful. I just want to be fearless.